Before I get on to the grooming incident attached is a photo From March 2015 when Clive and I visited Mum and we spent a sunny day in Topsham which would undoubtedly have included a Devonshire Cream Tea!
The first time we met this carer (let’s call her ‘carer X’) was at the time my Mum had a serious fall in which the paramedics had to be called. You know when you meet someone and immediately feel something is not right – like a gut instinct? I am not suggesting that this carer had anything to do with Mums fall, however with hindsight it is only natural to question the possibility. She was the first at the scene and the one who called to inform me of what had happened. Unfortunately Mum couldn’t remember anything so we’ll never know. Following the fall carer X took the paramedics notes away with her rather than leaving them with me to share with Mums GP the next day as she had been instructed to do by the paramedics.
Carer X came across as overly friendly and too familiar. She fed me stories show casing her caring nature, for example, when she had supposedly driven past my Mum walking around the streets in her nightdress one day and gave Mum a lift home. None of the neighbours, who kept a close eye on Mum, witnessed this.
She also mentioned that she would occasionally take Mum for a walk or help her with her shopping outside of carer X’s working hours. The couple of weeks after the fall carer X kept popping around to see how Mum was recovering. Now part of you might think she is being very kind and caring but on the other hand her behaviour came across as ‘too much’. I couldn’t put my finger on it but my gut just didn’t trust her.
Following the fall when the county council social services were assisting me with Mums case, the care schedule was stepped up to 4 visits a day. One afternoon I received a call from Mums home phone. It was carer X asking if she could take Mum to the beach the next day. This would have been outside the care rota schedule. I asked her to put Mum on the phone. I asked Mum if she wanted to go. I could tell Mum felt uncomfortable and explained that she didn’t have to go if she didn’t want to.
A week or so later, another carer, who was doing the first shift of the day called explaining Mum had her coat on and told her she had already been into town and back. I’m so glad this carer had the foresight to recognise something was out of kilt as it triggered me into investigating further. This was immediately strange because Mum was very slow to get going in the mornings. She would also have struggled to get into town and back before the first care shift on her own. The carer informed me that Mum had nothing to show for having been into town, for example no shopping bags. I immediately checked Mums online banking and could see that she had withdrawn £50 that morning which was the full daily withdrawal limit I had placed on her account. I asked Mum to check her purse, which she did, and she had less than £5 remaining. When I asked what she had spent the money on, Mum got very upset and started crying because she knew something wasn’t right but couldn’t remember. In a moment of clarity she told me ‘I wish that woman would leave me alone’ however she couldn’t remember who this woman was. She couldn’t remember if she was wearing the carer uniform or not.
Later that evening when I managed to get hold of Mums neighbours they informed me that carer X who had been with Mum the day of the fall had started visiting Mum very early in the mornings, regularly taking her out in her car. The neighbours suspected this activity and had intended getting in touch to inform me. The neighbours and I worked out the dates carer X had visited Mum since the fall and this correlated to the dates Mum had withdrawn £50 from her bank account totalling £300.
Carer X had been arriving at Mum’s by 7am when Mum would still have been in bed, forcing her up and out of the house, driving her in to town and waiting for Mum as Mum withdrew the limit on her account. Carer X would have Mum back at home on time for the first care visit.
When I contacted the bank they knew exactly who Mum was, given she was only able to withdraw money in person directly from the cashier and I had a file note on Mums account so they would take care with her as, for example Mum was losing the ability to write at this stage and always struggled with her signature. They informed me that Mum would come into the bank alone which indicated carer X was instructing Mum and waiting for her out of sight.
Once we figured out what was going on, Clive (who was so angry and fancies himself as a bit of an Inspector Columbo wanted to hire a camper van and stake Carer X out) and I called the care company to inform them of our suspicion. We arranged for a meeting with the manager first thing the next morning. Coincidentally I received a call from Mums social services case worker that evening informing me she needed to visit Mum the next morning for an assessment. I told her about our concern and she said she would gently see if she could obtain any further information from Mum.
The next morning after Clive and I had spoken to the manager of the care company about our concern (in which the manager mentioned other complaints about carer X had recently come to light) the social services worker called to inform me that when she had arrived very early in the morning at Mums, carer X was in Mums house and had Mum dressed in her coat about to leave the house. She immediately asked what carer X was doing there out of rota hours and where she was taking Mum. Carer X was rattled. Carer X was immediately suspended pending investigation and told to stay away from Mum. The police were informed and started doing patrols of the neighbourhood to ensure Mum was safe. Shortly after, carer X was fired. The police following their investigation were unable to take the case further given the lack of hard evidence, however they did confirm carer X would never be able to work in the care industry again.
It’s horrible to think that people are prepared to go out of their way to take advantage of the vulnerable. The social services worker said it was a typical grooming case. Not only was carer X trying to groom Mum, she was trying to groom friends, family and the neighbours by attempting to come across as kind and caring towards Mum.
I was incredibly impressed with how the social services, police and the care company handled the situation. It’s unfortunate that one bad person can potentially cause reputational damage for all the other wonderful carers and the amazing work that they do.
Living In The Moment With Dementia 