My parents brought me up to be a strong independent woman. I am lucky in that by nature I am very calm and laid back. However, even those of us who are chilled out can get stressed every once in a while. I am an only child, my Dad who was always my ‘go to’ for advice has passed away and I am losing elements of my Mum to dementia. It’s not always easy and so a support network is key.
The first time I realised I needed to seek independent help was following a week I had taken off work to be with my Mum in March 2014. It was a tough week. She had experienced a fall which had left her bruised and shaken. I accompanied her to a couple of dental appointments which entailed uncomfortable procedures resulting in some anxiety. The rest of my time was spent cooking, cleaning and sorting. At this stage Mum was aware that she was getting more and more forgetful and I could tell she was frightened about it. As we all know mothers do like to boss their daughters and as I was leaving to return to London, Mum had been snappy with me. I left feeling both emotionally and physically drained. I remember getting on the train and as soon as I sat down I started to cry and felt tearful the whole journey back.
I remember speaking to my friend Annie and telling her about how blue I was feeling. That was when I decided I should get some professional help and arranged for some counselling. I had six sessions. What I learnt was invaluable in that it is OK to admit that I couldn’t always be strong and it was OK to ask for help when I needed it.
I am lucky in that I have a wonderfully supportive boyfriend and some incredibly amazing friends and family who care about both me and my Mum. I know that if I need their help they would be there for me. On the whole I believe I have coped well with managing Mums condition and it has been made easier being able to sound situations and decisions out with my support network. On the rare occasions when things have been particularly stressful such as following Mums bad fall, dealing with the carer who took advantage of Mum and the move to the care home, both friends and family were there when I had the sense to admit I needed their support most and asked for it.
To my support network – you know who you are – I am forever grateful to have you in my life and I love you xx
Living In The Moment With Dementia 