Patience is a necessity

When supporting someone with dementia it is important to remain as patient as you can. This is of course easier said than done especially when the person is repeatedly asking the same questions. My Mum also tended to fixate on certain topics. When I would spend a long weekend with her, she would focus on the same 3 topics for the whole weekend and when you tried to distract her in order to change the subject she would always bring it back to her fixation.

You have to remind yourself that the person can’t help it and doesn’t realise they are constantly repeating themselves. It isn’t their fault – it is just the nature of the illness.

I am by nature a patient person and a good listener. Many people have pointed out how good I am with my Mum and I bring it down to having the patience of a saint! I am prepared to answer the same question over and over again. It really doesn’t bother me. I think we all know how disappointed we can feel when someone is not giving you their full attention or even worse have completely zoned out when you are telling a story. I would hate for my Mum to feel undermined in any way because I wasn’t treating her with respect or giving her the attention she deserved.

My Mum would regularly phone me over and over again having forgotten that she had called me five minutes before with the same question. She went through a period where she would call at all hours of the night. I would always take the calls in case something had happened and she required assistance. It meant I had interrupted sleep and found it rather tiring. It was a case of…‘Mum it’s 2am. I’m in bed – please go to bed yourself and get some sleep’.

I remember one morning when I must have been so exhausted and slept through 12 missed calls during the night. Needless to say there were 12 messages on my voicemail – each one pretty much identical because Mum had forgotten she had already called and left me a message. It actually made me laugh.

The fixating could be challenging. She would make stories up in her head and believe them to be true. It was impossible to convince her otherwise. As a worrier by nature she would think the worst and required constant reassurance.

When going out, you can’t rush a person with dementia. You need to remain patient and allow the time they need to get dressed, showered and ready to go.

If Mum is having a bad day and feeling frustrated by something which ultimately she is going to take out on me, I try not to take it personally. I find a distraction or change of scene can help her snap out of her mood.

Who would have thought that now my Mum is losing her ability to speak and articulate I miss the repeated questions! My patience is being tested in a new way. Now I’m having to guess what she trying to say because whilst she believes she is communicating she is actually incoherent. Being the chatterbox that she is, there is a lot of guessing on my part.

I find sitting in a window and pointing out life go by helps direct the conversation. I always show her pictures in the newspaper. I have made an iPhone video and picture slide show of herself which she loves watching. She also likes the music.

She loves going through her photo frames. Last week when we got to a photo of me and herself she cracked a joke by pointing at herself and saying ‘she is lovely’. We both burst out laughing. So it always comes back to living in and enjoying the moment!