The care home arrange Skype and FaceTime calls for families to be able to stay connected with loved ones during the Covid-19 lockdown. Thank goodness for technology!

As Mum is incoherent it is sad that I am not able to call her for a good old chat, however, this has helped me at least be able to say hello, wave at her and see how she is keeping.

The calls are short as whilst her face tends to light up when she initially hears my voice, she does easily get distracted and confused. That said she has been looking well and it is lovely to see her smiling.

Some calls she has been a bit more engaged than others. We have had to wish her a happy birthday during this time and on one call she supposedly kept trying to touch me on the iPad screen which I find endearing. Next time I will play her the Dubliners and hopefully that will make her smile and tap her foot as she always does when she hears a good old Irish tune.

I hope that the calls will help her maintain some recognition that I am someone special to her and I so look forward to being able to see her in person as soon as it is possible.

This photo was taken almost five weeks ago. I got to the care home just on time to spend an hour or so with Mum before the home put a temporary ban on visitors as a result of the corona virus.

I have been impressed with how the care home has managed the situation. As the UK initially started to report on cases in the country the main message was all about the thorough washing of hands. My only concern back then was that given I live in London and was heading into central London on the northern line every day I could easily have been a carrier without knowing and taking it into the care home with me where all the residents fall into vulnerable 70+ category. Prior to the temporary ban the home was taking your temperature reading before allowing you in which provided some comfort.

The home has a contingency plan should there be an outbreak. They have segregated each of the floors disallowing potential cross contamination which is good.

I am obviously grateful to the care staff going into work every day to care for my Mum and the other residents. The home has had 90% staff attendance which is impressive. They have reassured that they have a plentiful supply of PPE equipment which provides me with peace of mind. To date they have had no cases in the home which shows how careful everyone has been. Since the care homes have recently received a lot of press attention they are now allowing testing for the staff which is positive news.

Not sure when I will next be able to visit Mum. Early indication is that it will likely be at least another 2 months. The activities team have been busy arranging video chats for family to stay connected with loved ones. More about that next time…

I have said before how important it is to ensure that a dementia patient still feels they can receive and enjoy a treat. We all feel good and special after a visit to the hairdresser or beauty salon.

Aside from good food, the care home arrange for a weekly visit from a hairdresser. They also occasionally arrange nail painting.

Having both her hair and nails done are treats that Mum not only enjoys in the moment but that she can keep on enjoying. The happiness expressed from a compliment about her hair and catching her checking out her varnished nails makes me happy.

The last time she had her nails done they were midnight blue. A colour I doubt she would have chosen in the past but probably selected by one of the young carers for her so also trying out new things too!

The care home set up a temporary mini rehabilitation gym for the residents for a few months. I tried it out myself and thought it was a great idea. Exercise is good for all of us and when Mum was initially diagnosed the specialists recommended she should maintain a healthy and active lifestyle.

I don’t think many of the residents used the gym and I tried to encourage Mum to have a go. She was having none of it! I guess her generation were not gym goers. Perhaps when it’s my generations turn it will be more in demand!

Like night and day. Mum looking so much happier and healthier just days after graduating from her stint in the wheelchair.

Mum had a great year in 2019 up until the autumn when she got her first taste of being wheel chair bound. We still don’t know exactly why and with Mum being incoherent it was difficult to ascertain what the issue was.

She could not walk without collapsing and following a consultation with the GP they thought it may have been a urine infection which can impact a person’s balance. In addition being prescribed antibiotics can have the same or added effect.

My Mum was clearly pretty miserable and frustrated at not being able to walk. All the care staff were sad for her as she is normally constantly on her feet and likes walking the corridors.

On the first week I tried to encourage her out of the wheel chair just to shift her into a more comfortable arm chair, however it was impossible. The second week I had more success and was able to get Mum into the arm chair. By this stage she had completed the course of antibiotics and the doctor said it could take a few more days for her to be up on her feet. By the following week I was concerned that she would become too reliant on the wheel chair and forget how to walk. So I made her get out of the wheel chair and take a few steps. I could see she was in pain and limping on one side but I was determined to get her moving. I could also tell she was pleased with herself. By the fourth week I had her up again and attempting a longer stretch. It was clear she had a weakness on one side.

I’m not sure if it was a case of a urine infection in the end. I wonder if the mobility has been affected by her dementia. Potential activity from the brain.

After five weeks she was no longer reliant on the wheel chair. It made such a difference to her mood. She was much happier and more engaging. Her sense of humour was back, more willing to want to have some fun and a laugh.

Five months later she is doing really well. Her mobility is not what it used to be since the wheel chair. She has had a few falls and when I take her out for a walk I need to take her by the arm or hold her hand so that I am able to catch her when the weakness on the one side gives way. I am determined to keep her mobile for as long as possible.

Choice of slippers is a really important decision. Dementia care home patients spend a lot of their time wearing them.

In my Mum’s case she always suffered with poor circulation which has in recent years really affected her feet. She is very mobile and always walking around the care home resulting in sore corns on her feet which require regular chiropodist treatment. So what to consider with regards slippers:

comfort
warmth
sturdy
supportive
ease putting on and taking off

Mum is currently wearing Dr Keller slippers. I’m certain if she was coherent She would say they are a winner. They specialise in slippers for problematic feet. They seem high quality and are lined and cushioned for warmth and comfort. They have an easy to adjust opening which is important for dementia patients who struggle with dressing. The slippers fully open all the way to the toe which assists easy taking on and off, not just for the dementia patient but also the carer who is assisting. Whilst designed for wearing indoors they have a sturdy hard sole which enables them to also be worn outdoors for example sitting or walking around the garden.

P.s. I haven’t been paid to write this review and I’m Sure there are other brands out there which are just as good.

The company of a dog is so good for the soul. Now that warmer weather is upon us I decided to call into the local dog shelter near to my Mum’s care home to volunteer dog walking.

Given Mum’s condition I asked for a small dog with a good temperament.

This is Ted. He was a real character and Mum loved our morning in his company. We had to go slow as most of the time I needed to keep a good hold of both Mum and Ted. We managed just fine. It was good for Mum to get fresh air, some exercise, a fun activity and a change of environment. Whilst incoherent she chatted to Ted for the full half hour walk. Ted seemed to enjoy himself too! Ted has since been rescued to a new home. Not surprised that he was snapped up so quickly as I could quite easily have taken him home myself. Both Mum and I fell for his charms immediately!

Even though a person may have provided you the right to act on their behalf with lasting power of attorney, an individual should still be given the fundamental right to make a decision.

Whilst I am now responsible for making the majority of decisions for my Mum, it is important to ensure where appropriate that she does not feel in any way undermined and that she feels included.

Here are my top 5 examples:

-Asking who she would like to invite to her birthday party.
-If she would like fish and chips from the menu.
-If she would like to go out for a cup of tea.
-If she would like to look through her photos.
-What she would like to wear.

This was one of Mums favourite sayings. She has always suffered poor circulation, regularly requiring a hot water bottle as a bedtime companion.

This condition unsurprisingly seems to have declined over the years. Within a couple of minutes of being outdoors her hands turn deathly white in colour.

Unfortunately assisting Mum with her gloves has become impossible. She can’t figure out how to slide her fingers into them. After numerous attempts I acknowledged defeat.

So mittens it is now!

It has been a few months since I last blogged and so thought I should post again before the end of the year.

I do love the build up to Christmas. As I drive to visit Mum I enjoy singing along to the Christmas tunes played on the radio. Each visit I try and explain to her the time of year and count down the weeks until the big day. Decorating the Christmas tree is another favourite for me. Using decorations from my childhood and ones which Mum and I have collected together over the years.

Mum has developed a liking for soft toys. I wanted to make her bedroom festive so bought a few soft toy decorations; a robin, reindeer and snowman which can be found on her windowsill, bookshelf and dressing table. When she walks into the room she likes to say hello to them. Quite child like and very endearing.

Whilst in the past, Mum like most of us, would have overindulged and devoured all chocolates before my next visit, sadly this year, Mum has left her chocolate untouched despite me leaving them open for her to help herself. She has reached a point whereby unless you physically feed her and constantly remind her she will not notice. Good for her waistline I suppose!

This was my Mum’s third Christmas in the care home. It is important to recognise those in the care profession who would probably rather be at home celebrating with their families, instead spending the festive season helping to care for others. Chocolates and Christmas panettone as a gesture of thanks for them to share doesn’t seem enough.

On Christmas morning there is a buzz with so many families visiting. We enjoy the morning and Mum whilst unable to articulate makes all the right appreciative sounds when it comes to her presents! I don’t feel too sad leaving Mum as I genuinely believe she feels happy, relaxed and safe in the care home environment – now probably preferable to the anxiety she feels when outside it. That said I feel sympathy for a visitor failing to hold back the tears as she leaves her loved one who is no longer able to join her and her extended family celebrations at home. As mentioned I allow myself a few minutes reflection on the shame that Mum can’t join us for the whole day and rather put a positive spin on it as the care home is like a family of sorts for her now.

Later on in the day whilst enjoying my Christmas meal I appreciate the beautiful Christmas flower table setting which Margaret has arranged as a gift from her and my Mum. It is a constant reminder of Mum throughout the festivities and a reminder of how grateful I am to Margaret, for her kindness, love and support.